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The Great Thai Adventure – Sleeper trains, an alternative form of discomfort

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I woke up at 9am feeling very tired and worn out, I’d caught a bit of heat stroke which explained my exhaustion yesterday, or was it the stress of the markets? (I do hate markets). I needed food fast, I decided to eat in the hotel and paid 130 baht for the buffet breakfast. JOOK! Congee was available! For those unaware of this Asian breakfast item, it’s like a savoury rice pudding, but without the milk and using a stock instead, very more-ish and very tasty. I pretty much devoured the entire buffet selection and felt A LOT better for it.

I had 7 hours to kill before my train to Chiang Mai, so I decided to drop my bags off at the reception and headed off towards the malls of Silom. I was convinced that today would be the day for shopping!

4 hours later…

NOPE! I still hadn’t bought a single thing!

3 hours to go and maybe I could still catch a visit to the Grand Palace, so I jumped on a Sky train to the pier in order to catch the Orange Express boat for 15 baht. I thought I’d save some money by buying an all day ticket for 150baht, that way I didn’t have to think about buying another ticket for the return journey and I could jump on and off at any pier. With my crisp 500 baht note in hand, I approached a little old lady selling tickets. I seems that you didn’t have a choice of what ticket you could buy and the ever growingly peeved senior citizen gave me a look of discontent and issued me with a 15 baht ticket and a hell of a lot of change! Tail between my legs, I sat on the stone benches and waited for the boat to arrive.

Fun Fact of the Day: Did you know that the Grand Palace closes its doors at 4pm?

I arrived Grand Palace pier at 4.05pm. I was a little too late too see Bangkok’s biggest tourist attraction, but with time to kill and made the best of a bad situation and decided to walk the perimeter wall like a Chinese intelligence spy, taking photos of the outer walls and looking for a weakness in to the sacred realm, here’s an example…

Secure
A very secure looking wall indeed!

30 sweaty minutes later, mission complete and I was back on the boat making my escape.

I got to Hua Lamphong train station at 6pm and I had an hour and a half wait until my train arrived. So I sat on the floor in the middle of the station along with all the other backpackers. A small Thai toddler was roaming the floor, needlessly interacting with every other baby and… me apparently. Children under the age of 7 seem to naturally gravitate towards and as uncomfortable as it can be I’m unable to ignore them. This particular child was apparently interested in my reading material, manga, it was a little embarrassing at the time so I put it away… But it was too late… I was on her list and should would… not… leave… me ALONE! Eventually she got the message and went back to interfering with the other kids of her ‘own age’.

7pm and I decided to head to the platform. They were changing the sign to say ‘Chiang Mai, 7.35’… Oh how that sign lied!

If it wasn’t for m…

NOSE BLEED ALERT!!!! (on writing this entry whilst on the train, my nose decided to play its part in my ‘single traveller amongst many groups’ journey) Evidence below…

Nose bleed alert!

Anyway, the train ended up being 2.5 hours late and it was at that point that I’d realised that sweatiness was the general norm around these parts and there was no point in trying to stay dry and fresh.

During my long long wait I managed to chat to a couple of randoms, but mostly just to clarify the situation. There was a creepy man who seemed to be a regular traveller to Chiang Mai, he was friendly, but very weird too, in that ‘you’re way to old to be still doing this kind of stuff’ kind of way.

Eventually the right train arrived and I managed to board it with no issue, only to find that I was surrounded by French, Chinese and German voices… where… were… the English in this country???!

Did I mention that this was a sleeper train? Yep, it was a 13/15 hour journey to northern Thailand and I was alone in a carriage with no one to talk to. But I did discover one good thing, the bed fitted! The bad thing?.. no sleep could ever be achieved on a rickety train, unless the soothing vibrations of a moderate earthquake is what you’d consider calming, then it was a delightful snooze.

I got very little sleep, but guess who ordered congee for breakfast??? Yummy stuff again.

As with most train bathroom facilities, number twos were a no-go, It was definitely number 1 territory only. To help strengthen the stereotype, the Chinese group had awoken early and were brushing their teeth. They seemed strangely obsessed with teeth brushing, I didn’t bother to ask them why.

9am and this was the point that I had my nose bleed, I had no idea where it came from (my nose obviously) but after 10 minutes it finally managed to subside. By this point I really need to get off the train and in to Chiang Mai and have a shower… Wet wiping my armpits just didn’t have that same refreshing effect as mint scented shower gel.

The Great Thai Adventure – Markets… Why did it have to be markets?

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It was Sunday and my first chance at sightseeing and exploring, so I drew up a plan.. an itinerary if you will.

  1. Damnoen Saduak floating market
  2. Wat Phra Kaew & Grand Palace
  3. Chatuchak market
  4. Silom night market

So I woke up at 6am, ready to hit the beautiful floating market that encapsulated the serene tradition of classical Bangkok, I was ready to immerse myself in Thai culture… At 7.30am I woke up again, after snoozing for an extra hour and a half.

Having worked out the evening before, I needed to get to a bus terminal at Victoria Monument to catch a ride that would get me to the market which was situated… NOWHERE NEAR BANGKOK! But it was on my list of places to see so I dragged myself on to the BTS and arrive at the terminal at around 8.30am. When the guide said ‘terminal’, what it really meant was ‘Giant busy roundabout, with 50 million buses and no real way of finding out which bus goes where’… Wonderful. It was not what I expected when I arrived, bleary eyed and hungry. It was at this point (after only 5 minutes) that I decided that I wasn’t going to be visiting the DAMNoen Saduak floating market during this holiday. Instead I decided to find some breakfast and having yet to overcome my fear of speaking to strangers I settled for some slices of refreshing pineapple and sloped off back on to the BTS, with my tail between my legs and no clue on what to do next. Item 1. FAILED.

I obviously had some time to kill and on my to the bus terminal from hell, I noticed a nice looking park… Lumphini Park and a chance to take some holiday snaps! It was here where I first felt the heat of Thailand. At 10.30am warm was certainly an understatement, the lack of breeze made this park feel like a sauna and as I walked around it seemed that this particular venue wasn’t really a tourist’s park, or maybe it was just too early for tourists on a Sunday to come out and play. I walked past some old people, took a few photos of trees, walked past some more old people and then decided that it was too hot to do this much walking and sat down on a bench to drink some water and to look at my map and options for the day.

As markets tend to open in the mornings mostly, I decided to swap my visit to the Grand Palace with Chatuchak Market, one of the world’s… largest… markets… Spanning 27 acres, I knew that if there was a place that I could buy a pair of cheap sandals and some trousers, it would definitely be this place!

It lasted one and a half hours. I had to leave. I really don’t like markets and having weaved through each aisle like I was mowing a 27 acre lawn, I felt like death was my only escape. Having found no pairs of trousers and ‘losing’ at my first attempt at haggling for sandals, I left empty handed and a growing hatred of market places, although I did have my first taste of mango sticky rice (it was a thumbs up). Item 3. PARTIAL FAIL.

It was only 1pm when I got back to the hotel, but it had felt like I had been out for an entire day. Having settled on ‘renting’ a pair of trousers for the Grand Palace (it is a requirement that legs and arms are covered when visiting), the plan was to have a quick shower, get into my jeans just in case they were allowed and then head off to one of the most visited tourist destinations in the city…

… 3hrs later…

I’d fallen asleep, exhausted from the heat and mental collapse of the markets! I only closed my eyes for a second! And the air conditioning was so so cooooool… OK it was my fault. It was time for a new plan. Item 2. FAILED.

I left the hotel at 5.3opm, late enough so that the stalls of Silom night market had been set up, but early enough to get that ‘lucky first customer’ bargain of the day. Oh how wrong I was. Only half of the stalls were up and NONE were trying to entice me in for their first sell. It was starting to feel like the Lady’s market in Hong Kong, only smaller and I was being ignored a lot more than the general caucasian patrons. Could it be that the combination of my obvious local looks and poor fashion sense has inexplicably caused me to blend in as a local?? Oh cruel fate!

After doing a lap of the stalls, I decided to grab some noodles to eat whilst I had the chance. It’s a strange sensation eating out alone. You don’t quite know whether you should stay quiet and silently people watch, or be loud and try to make it known to the others around you that you’re ALSO on holiday and you’re not just a creepy guy on the ‘prowl’ for night. I opted for the former.

Anyway, after eating I thought I’d do another round of the market and thankfully I found that a lot more stalls had been set up. Alas my desired Thai trousers and wearable sandals (I’m not sure anyone would buy non-wearable sandals though) were not on show. I did however, experience my first, ‘Come in and see they ‘show’ pitch’. I knew what to do and waved the man/woman on, I’m not a total fool you know!! Item 4. PARTIAL SUCCESS (I’m giving myself that one!).

The Great Thai Adventure – Airports, trains and a long walk.

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I really shouldn’t have worn jeans, t-shirt and a shirt… it was HOT! I’d left the inclement 8 degrees C of London and arrived to a lofty 32, sweaty legs have never been such a problem. Suvarnabhumi airport is a nice airport and very clean-looking, I’m still at the, ‘I refuse to talk to anyone’ stage, so rather than asking anyone where to go I just follow the crowd and eventually it gets me to immigration… It is here where I become a tourist… Did I need to fill in an immigration card? I was sure that I didn’t have to apply for a visa to come to Thailand… Or did I?? A mild panic set in as I began think that I was now illegally about to enter the country. What was I to do???

I immediately scoped out the area, 15 plus manned kiosks. Two, maybe three on the floor immigration security guards. Only 2 possible exits, the way I came in or through the immigration stands… I was backed in to the proverbial corner. I was going to have to do it. It had finally come down to this… “Excuse me? Do I have to fill in an immigration card?” I was talking to people now!

Turns out that I did need to fill one in and it was really a panic about nothing. I kicked myself for joining the slow queue and gave my best death stare to the slow coaches up front, but I was soon on my merry little way out of the airport and in to the train station!

I’m REALLY glad that I worked out my train route to the hotel. A 1 hour journey could have easily been 2! The train from the airport to Phaya Thai was easy enough, although I suspect that the majority of tourists would have been thrown by the casino chip style token for a ticket.

They had arrows for where you’re meant to stand!!!Stand at the sides of the doors if you’re getting on and the middle is for passengers to get off! So simple! Also, WAIT until the angry conductor tells you to get on otherwise you’ll get a piercing whistle in the ear!

There was a couple from Hong Kong (I suspected) speaking Cantonese, but my irrational fear of talking to strangers and being laughed at for my poor grasp of elementary level Cantonese held me back again on this occasion. Instead I plugged my earphones in and bopped my way to central Bangkok.

I arrived at Phaya Thai with little problem and having predetermined all my changes I quickly arrived in Chong Nansi. This was where the true panic began. Which station exit should I take? Which direction should I walk in?? I could read a map but it would be all pointless if I didn’t know which direction I was facing!! Where was north??!! I was screwed.

I decided to bite the bullet after what seemed to be 10 minutes of map reading and point of interest spotting and decided to walk in my chosen direction… Which turned out to be the opposite direction of my destination. 5 minutes later my directional spider-senses were tingling again. I found a bicycle stop, confirmed my location and began walking back the way I came, filled with shame. I was in snail mode, circling my destination in smaller and smaller concentric circles. After an unnecessary 15 minutes, I finally reached my hotel!.. a whole 2 minute walk away from the station.

After accidentally taking a nap, I convinced myself to leave my room for some food and maybe visit the hotel bar. I walked in to the hotel restaurant to find only 2 tables were filled, the quiet atmosphere played well to my Hermititis and I enjoyed a lovely satay pork and a weird sickly sweet noodle, pork and prawn dish. It was a satisfactory start to my culinary Thai experience.

After working out how to finally say ‘Thank you’ in Thai (Korp Kun Krap), I whispered my exit and headed for the bar. It was a strange bar, I wasn’t sure if it was a family run bar or the owners family was just down for the evening. Either way it gave rise to my first instance of ladyboy paranoia, a deep voice, but with a local for a boyfriend? The obvious answer must have been that he was gay, but I couldn’t tell!! This could have easily proved to be my downfall during this holiday, but I decided to ignore it and busied myself by watching the football on the bar t.v. screen. I was beginning to settle in and started to think that I was safe from the ‘professionals’ thanks to my ‘non-round eyed’ looks, but to be safe, at half time, I made my exit and back to my room.

So my first night in Thailand was done, I’d arrived safely and I was already eating the food and forced myself to speak to the locals. Tomorrow was to be my first tourist day, but for this particular evening, I needed the rest.

The Great Thai Adventure – The journey of 6000 miles

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It’s 6.30pm and I’ve arrived at Heathrow airport, Terminal 2. Here was my thinking… As a single traveller I would book my flights and check-in in person, hoping that if I turned on the charm, I’d be able to bag myself a swish free upgrade from economy class to business class (or higher). I’d simply dress smart, stroll up to the counter and nonchalantly ask if it was a busy flight whilst flashing my expensive watch (one which I don’t own) and mention how nice the attendant looked this cool November evening. Well there’s no harm in trying is there?

Here’s what actually happened. I arrived at Terminal 2 with a firm belief that if I tried hard enough then I’d be able to convince someone to give me an upgrade. I was a single traveller dressed smartly, surely they’d be able to accommodate little ol’ me? I walked through the doors and began to search for my designated check-in desk, A-J, got it! So I walked towards the desks and then I saw them… rows and rows of computer screens… and queues of fellow travellers stood at said computer screens… What… is… going… on? Self Check-in???! Tag ‘n’ Drop????! This wasn’t part of the plan!! How could I charm a computer in to upgrading my ticket?? And so I stood and waited, assessing the situation. Are there any people bypassing the machines, is there anyone going directly to a check-in desk. I spot a ‘Assisted Check-in’ counter, what’s that for? Could this be the desk described in my grand upgrade scheme? I waited and observed again, like Sherlock Holmes taking in all the information I could before carrying out my plan of ingenuity. 10 minutes passed by, ooh someone walked up to the counter! Did they self check-in? Were they technophobes? I couldn’t tell!!

Another 10 minutes went by and I was none the wiser. I conceded and asked an ‘on-the-floor’ attendant… DISASTER! I was going to have to self check-in. It was at this point that I realised. I don’t like the new Terminal 2.

It was surprisingly easy to get through security, as I went through the different areas I was being my most pleasant self. Looking a little clueless, a member of the security staff guided me in the right direction, “Over there sir, towards number 12”. “CHEERS MATE!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!”. There was little, to no, response, just a look of pure disdain. I was being a little too pleasant.

2 hours passed and it was time for me to take my ECONOMY seat on the plane (bloody self check-in machines). I was flying with Thai Airways and the staff were all very pleasant as I boarded, bowing their heads to their hands as they greeted me in a language that was a good half an octave higher than any other language I had heard! I had no idea what they said, but I would soon learn.

My seat was the middle seat of 3. An elderly Thai gentleman was to be my first plane buddy and moments later a young Londoner with a somewhat carefree attitude became my other, window seated, flying companion. I held high hopes for some riveting conversation over the next 11 hours.

So 4 hours go by and the unofficial sponsored silence was going well. London kid pretty much fell straight in to a comatose-like sleep and fidgeted on the hour, every hour, to remind me that the battle for the arm rest was not yet over. And Elderly Thai Man had had an apparent torture related nightmare as he suddenly, mid-sleep, grabbed his own mouth in a fish-face pose… very unsettling. It’s at this point that I’d like to mention how wonderful the food provided by Thai Airways was. Sweet Chilli Chicken with Rice and Veg. Lovely bread rolls and a full breakfast of fruit, warm croissant, yoghurt and chicken and asparagus omelette with all the trimmings. It was truly delicious and the best part of it was that London kid had totally missed the first meal and only got half of the breakfast! Ha! No one steals my arm rest space!

All in all it was a pretty good flight, the choice of in-flight movies was good (Guardians of the Galaxy, X-Men, Lucy and many more), no one had explosive diarrhea and stunk out the plane and the landing was pretty smooth. I like Thai Airways and I would fly with them again in future… which I did on the return journey.

And now I had arrived!.. In a country I had never been to before… Where I don’t speak the language… And I’m on my own… The excitement was still firmly sitting with my friends.

The Great Thai Adventure – The setup

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My friends have been bugging me to update my blog more often, particularly after going to Thailand for 2 weeks and writing my ‘memoirs’ whilst I was there. So rather than write a day by day account of my adventures, I’ll try to put the highlights in to a few entries.

So how did it all begin? Well a few months ago I was contemplating what to do with my 10 days of annual leave. Not having a clue of where to go I asked my friend, who happened to have been to Thailand on her honeymoon earlier that year. She suggested the destination, so I said yes and the next thing a knew I had booked a return flight to Bangkok!.. in 6 weeks time!

I had to move fast…

I knew VERY little about Thailand and had only a vague interest in even going there. I knew they had spicy food but that was it, I had no idea where to go or what to see. WHY was I going to this place???! Luckily my friends came to my rescue and created a whole itinerary of where to go, when to go and where I could possible stay! And all with very little thinking involved on my part! I was to go to markets, visits elephants and tigers, attend a cookery course and look at some temples! It was beginning to sound fun… I think.

So as the days rolled by and I got closer to the day of my flight, I could feel the excitement building up… in my friends. Maybe I’m just one of those people that doesn’t feel the excitement until I’m actually there, standing in 32 degree heat with a bottle of Singha in my hand and some Pad Thai on my plate. Maybe it would just suddenly hit me and I’d become giddy with anticipation just thinking about getting on that plane destined for tropical paradise? The short answer, was no. The long answer would take me through 2 weeks and 6000 miles around the world, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Packing. I was told to write a list of what I should take on holiday. It’s always sensible to plan ahead and count the number of clean underwear you could potentially need, so a list is always a good call. SO… Tootbrush? Check! Toothpaste? Check! Suncream? Check! All very sensible items so far. Insect Repellent? Check! Phone Charger? Check! Smaller backpack?.. OK sounds a little strange but it’s acceptable. Paracetamol? OK. Lip Salve? Maybe. Toilet paper?? What?.. Torch?! Eh?.. Goggle spray??! Really??.. Pencil sharpener?!! What for??! SCISSORS????! My list had turned a little bit over cautious I think… I decided to leave out the scissors.

My backpack filled and with the help of no less than 5 girls at work, I managed to get the bag on to my back and I was finally able to begin my adventure. So I said my goodbyes and ventured to Heathrow airport and Terminal 2…

It’s a Blog!

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Hello and welcome to the first entry in the Ryan Tai Reviews blog. It’s my first attempt at writing one of these, so everything’s a little new at the moment.

So what’s it all about? Well let’s start with where I’m from. I’m originally from the the north of England and from my name you could probably work out that I’m of Chinese descent. Having grown up in a fish ‘n’ chip shop/chinese take-away, you could say that I’m used to the finer things in life. But it’s thanks to a youth of asian cuisine and being surrounded by abundence of food, that I grew to love food.

So I’ll be writing about food mostly… but I also like movies, so you’ll get a little bit of that too.

As well as some random tidbits for when they come to my head and be warned… They will be quite random.

Blog entry 1. DONE.

Ryan