What the hell causes mouth ulcers???! These white pockmarks on the lips and gums, seemingly designed to cause a massively disproportionate amount of pain to its victim, coming and growing as they please no matter how much bonjella or iglu is applied!

Yes, this week I’ve got a mouth ulcer, but not just one ulcer, oh no! Two of the little buggers next to each other, which doesn’t just double the pain, it multiplies the agony by a factor of 3 as they grow in unison to eventually form a coalition of one giant ulcer! Gaaarrrggghh!!

So I’ve been spending the weekend literally biting my tongue, through pain and the impossible attempts at not moving my lower lip in order to prevent the evil craters from rubbing against my teeth! Oh how dry my lips are now! You win this round, potholes of lucifer! But one day I will find the source of your power and obliterate you from the face of the universe!!! Mwahahahaha… OOOH OOOW OOWW OOWW!… it hurts! 😥